Worlds

I was driving home the other night on a less than stellar day at work thinking about what it means about me as a person that I can understand (or pretend to understand) both the Indigo Girls and the Pauline epistles. I don't understand either well, but I know that I have heard some truth, that is something that is real in both. Paul Simon and the Apostle Paul are both pretty clever lyric writers, though I do not lose sight of the fact that the Apostle Paul was talking about a new level of truth, the level of truth that came in the man Jesus.

What I'm continuing to try to put together in my 30's in the worlds that I live in and I have lived in. As stated, I still don't like losing, I'm a conservative in the world and a radical in my workplace, and I'm looking for the capital G - God and the capital T - truth and the more I am part of the "Christian" subculture I'm not sure there aren't better places to find those things. Authenticity is part of what I've been thinking about but it is more than that.

Part the problem is as you get older the yuck just gets harder. Within the last week we have heard from family and friends about some people that are really struggling. Divorce, crime, etc. take a toll on those around us, but we let days slip by without reaching out and asking for forgiveness, a hand up, or just to let somebody close know we love them.

I have spent the better part of a couple of days being really angry about a work situation. Am I right, I don't know. Chances are somewhere between my point of view and anothers is the truth, but the bottom line is that I don't want to waste my time feeling that way.

This is my most personal post, and for both of the people that might read this I'm not sure this is a nerve that is more raw than should be exposed, but I think it's worth getting out of my head.

I can't quite figure out how to be 33, but I know I have been blessed beyond what I can ask or imagine.

Visionary or Maybe not

Having one of those days where I can't figure out if I'm an misunderstood visionary or full or crap. If you were to take a vote I'm guessing I don't want to know the results, though feel free to vote by comments.

Professionally, I think I have some idea of where we need to go and I'd like to at least participate in a discussion. But right now we are at a place where everybody is staking out their territory, and gorging themselves on a pie that is much too small. There isn't a clear sense of vision or something greater than us that drives us to excellence or even points of agreement. Having said that, maybe I'm just wrong.

A few more items of note. One is that I can't quite figure out why, but I still like winning. I've started playing noon ball pretty regularly again and I can't figure out exactly why but I always like winning better than losing. No one, absolutely no one in their right mind would care about noon ball - yet?

Also, it's always nice to hear of people from the past that are doing well. In recent days a guy who lived on my dorm floor was named to the staff of a CBA which is pretty cool, and I have run into someone else via email that I was happy to hear is doing well. Makes me think about the lost generation that I'm a part of, somewhere between the baby boom and boomlet known currently as Millenials. But I'm not sure what it makes me think.

Very wrong

O.K. so I was very wrong. Conrad Burns is likely going down in a fairly large fireball of glory. My wisdom of a month ago about the political bent of Montana was largely for lack of a more creative phrase - a bunch of crap.

I'm not sure how that magic weekend known as MEA has come, but it has. In both Montana and Minnesota it happens to fall on the same days so it seems like the world has off work, when actually I still have to come in tomorrow.

A programming note - Steven Wright is back and has an upcoming special on Comedy Central. This guy used to be hilarious and from a recent NY Times article still seems to have it. One of my favorite one-liners of his is, "What's another word for a theasaurus." If you see it on, stop and watch I hope he's still worth it.

Montana writers - best and worst

On Monday of this week Bill Foley of the Montana Standard in Butte wrote a relatively decent journalistic piece. Today, however he's back to sheer and utter nonsense with a lot of reliance on the word, "sucks".

I realize I'm getting somewhat older, but one things that seems to be standing out to me right now is that we have somehow lost the ability to write. I'm the pot calling the kettle black, because rarely do I take the time and discipline myself to plan and rewrite like I should. I've been reading novels again lately, and I'm struck that good writing doesn't just show up on the page. I'm reading newer Larry McMurtry and just finished a great book by Annie Prouloux. The writing is great in both, though McMurtry has gotten a little weird with age.

All of this is kind of a diversion right now, but of all the things on my mind this seemed to be the only thing that I felt like writing about.

Strange days

We are still waiting to hear from Montana, but for now it seems as though my grandfather is doing well. Hard to know what that means, but for now living with a little mystery is probably better than the alternative.

As a quick political note, the NY Times Magazine ran a piece on Governor Schweitzer this weekend. It is a site that requires you to register, but well worth the registration. It is amazing to me how people characterize Montana. A lot of things in the article don't say much about the Montana I know, but maybe I have it wrong. One of the things that jumped out at me was that Gov. Schweitzer better be careful not to believe his own press. Ever since Mike Mansfield left Washington there has been a long line of would-be national figures from Montana, most recenlty on the Republican side of the aisle in Marc Racicot, another Governor beloved as much in the beltway as within the confines of Helena. I will admit Racicot is a national figure now, but the electoral system and a variety of factors will probably always make Montana political figures interesting circus acts as political pundits fill air time waiting for the real candidates.

Another less than interesting note about Montana in the news today was that the Sports Illustrated's website named the hazing incident in Montana as its daily "Sign of the Apocalypse". Less embarrasing to the state than the article I read today about Wisconsin's marching band, but overall not a good sign.

Overall, it's windy, it's cold and I'm looking forward to a Friday night watching "Lost" on tape. If I survive the after work run.

Looking for better days

The posts are likely to get kind of random for the next week or so. We will be taking and unscheduled trip back to Montana for my grandfather's funeral. He is currently in the hospital, but not expected to make it. He has had a long battle with cancer and we incredibly sad but thankful for the time he got. He seemed to have defied the odds and predictions a number of times.

It is times like this when I understand a little bit of the high cost of being an expatriated Montanan. So many of things that are close to the heart are within a 200 mile radius of Bozeman, Montana.

This is the big one

Here is a more recent photo of the kids.

One of my memories of old TV is Red Sanford grabbing his chest and saying "This could be the big one," whenever he needed to fake a heart attack to get out of something. Tonight, I try and become a runner, and as Red used to say, "This could be the big one."

My wife now runs five miles with relative ease, and she will be my partner, so I'm pretty much figuring that I'm done for. The good news is that it is 60 degrees and about perfect here. Also, on Friday we will be hosting about 10-20 junior and senior high kids in our house for something the church calls "hang time". It could be an adventure.

The Gift of Free

Sometimes you just get lucky. Yesterday I sat seven rows back just outside the left field foul pole and watched the Twins play the A’s in the first round of the playoffs. It was simply great atmosphere. The Twins ended up losing, but not a fan moved until the final out. The tickets were free, the dome dog for lunch was free, parking was free – all in all further proof that God gives us much more than we deserve.

Speaking of the gift of free, the family is looking forward to a Minnesota Symphony Concert on October 15. It will be great to take the kids to their first symphony concert at a concert designed specifically to introduce kids to the symphony. Should be fun.

There was another story today about the Pat Davison case in the Billings Gazette. I’m a little surprised how sad the whole story makes me. I only know one of Pat’s accuser’s and I think part of me is struck by the fact that I always thought of Pat as a pretty decent guy and at least one of the parties accusing him is not somebody I would choose to ride an elevator with if I could avoid it. Part of me keeps remembering talking to Pat in his office with the picture of the Pope in the background. The personal toll and side of this story will likely not be told, but I would guess that it is a fascinating and sad story of misguided ambition and a lot of small unethical decisions that led to a pretty big fall.